Why...

So this week was a struggle still. But after my meeting on Tuesday, I have been asking myself the same question over and over again. Why? Why am I struggling with an eating disorder. Hearing some of the stories of others was an eye opener. Everyone had a story to tell and valid reason to be struggling with an eating disorder, but I didn't. I grew up in a loving two parent house hold, my sister and I got along, we went on vacations, I got to do the things I wanted to and my parents were really supportive. So why am I struggling with this disease? I almost feel as if I am not good enough to have an eating disorder, like I'm not worthy. Everyone else has a story to tell and reasoning behind it. But I don't. I feel as if I am being selfish for being bulimic. Is that a valid question? Am I being overdramatic? I guess I am just lost, and looking for some sort of map to tell me how this should all be working. Hmm...maybe with a new week i'll figure something out.

Still a long ways to go..

The ongoing battle with this disease gets to me every single day. Sometimes I just want to give up and just let it take me over, but then I remember to ask myself one simple question: Why? Why would I let this addiction, obsession, disease, whatever you want to call it take over? Why would I want to live the rest of my life battling every single day with something that should not be so hard to deal with. Food. Food is something that has over powered me, it has taken control and isn't letting go. But I am absolutely determined to beat this. Every passing day that goes by is just one step closer to beating this silly addiction, and I hope one day, I will be on the right side of recovery.

my first day

So today is my very first day of this blog, and I am not quite sure what to think yet. I am not sure what I am looking to get out of this, but I guess for now it is just a place for me to vent and to share my struggles. I have started on my journey of recovery, I have started seeing a therapist as well as attending support groups. I know this road will be hard...but I also know that I can do it :)